Contentment, Bliss ,Tears ,Pain, Possessiveness ,Definitive Delight ….My road to Motherhood!-I

Well who could have explained Motherhood in this world? I believe this emotion, this word Motherhood” is impeccable & a divine word in the Oxford!

All the adjectives ,beginning with the Pain (a mother takes during labor) ,to the tears of happiness (once the tender fingers of newborn touches her) ,to the inquisitiveness(of rearing the child) ,to the ecstasy (on seeing the very first smile) ,to the anguish(to hear the cries) ,to the merriment (when he hugs you for the first time)describe the road to Motherhood.!! Well, I never knew that my expedition to “Motherhood” could actually be such a thrill in itself.

It all began with elderly pressure to expand the family ,but as these days ,wherein both the partners are working ,ambitious about their career & growth in life ,this tricky situation calls for a genuine delay & takes a toll on one ,especially on the feminine part of the wheel…But yes ,few questions kept pondering ,How long will I delay it? One day I’ll have to enter Motherhood & that too with a strong potential of taking a sabbatical from work to be a care taker? Would any of my family be there to support my desire of working post baby? Am I ready to take the responsibility of entering into the phase of motherhood? Can I nurture the child with full justice? My ambition towards my career will anytime be an impediment to this decision, whether it’s taken today or later on.

All these questions hovered around my mind, & after a huge  bewilderment ,I was firm…My decision was yes ,I’ll enter into the phase ,let me take the life as it comes & leave all the decision pertaining to my ambition in the hands of God. There needs to be 200% justice to both the objectives of Motherhood as well as of the Profession, the profession which gives you everything, from leading a desired lifestyle to the social significance & Motherhood ,which gives you the immense pleasure of life.

Well, I thought I was firm on my decision, but confronting the “positive result” made me anxious ,panic struck through & got me in tears ..Really couldn’t understand if those were tears of new phase or tears for the probable loss of my ambition, my career!! A very difficult moment was that! A moment flashing so quickly between the day I took decision.. But after immense thought & a wonderful narration of the pleasure a child brings into the life ,just like a rose blooms from the petal ,so naïve ,so bright ,so delightful, so beautiful, so charming ,that got my smile twinkling & I stood resolutely, happily ,welcoming the decision!

Now it was no looking back ,with me getting engrossed into the study of fetal development day by day ,registering on sites as Baby Centre ,Parenting nation ,providing me a plethora of knowledge & awareness of the BiologyJ ,alerting on the complexities involved ,as to why it was a “re-birth” of women & above all to happily take a good care of myself for the development of the new member ,an increase of a branch in the family treeJ .

Amongst all the nauseatic feeling,all the emotional imbalances, a sadistic feeling gripped me in the first 3 months ,but yes thanks to my profession ,which did not allow my brain to rest & ponder over these petty concerns (which might have grown bigger feeding my brain with them all the time),I remained pretty calm & composed keeping my mind diverted & concerted to my work.

Sometime redundant ,but now instructions were like “High tides in an ocean” ,flowing heavily from both the families & close friends ,everyone suggesting what to eat & what not to, how to sleep ,how to sit ,walk (felt as my childhood classes resurfaced ;))..But the opinions varied so drastically that it made me follow just as my Gynaec guided me, along with the common “Ghar ki advice”.

God must’ve been sympathetic enough to me( as I’m completely an adventure keeda ,a Traveloholic, loving & experimenting with all thrills wherever I get an option to ,n keen to uptake travel to new locations all the time) ,to give me a trip to “China” as a moment to re-kindle myself ,to forget my past 4-5 months & the upcoming life journey ,to just enjoy a week & be myself ,the one I had been before !(My trip to china has been covered in another blog,do readit!) .So when this trip fell in my lap ,initially in my 5th Month ,it stunned me ,& I went all through cursing God as to why he did so as no one would have allowed me to opt for it!

But ,HE (GOD) was kind enough ,when I was given an “NOC” from my doc ,so now just persuading family members was left ,it was not “Just” but the most  fiddly condition.. Somehow gathered the courage, acquainted them with my enthusiasm & doc’s advice, somehow in 2 days I got this NOC as well with truck loads of instructions &directives every day from them..Ah!I had lost so much energy (in getting family NOC) ,my stupendous strip to China became an energy booster for me!& I must say ,a well planned travel does takes you away from the ongoing stress..Yes it was a stress-buster trip for me (To-be moms, do try a trip in your 4-6 month ,post docs clearance ,m sure it’ll rejuvenate your every moment!)

So ,post enjoying & having a memorable vacation ,I was back to my desh ,”losing my chic avtar” every day now, gaining kilos(being at the end of my 2nd trimester) . Two of my best friends were along with me ,one 15 days ahead & another 15 days behind me ,so it was a Preggi –gang ,with we discussing all the ups n downs ,sharing all lively & relaxing moments with one another ,to create an aura of positivity around ,inspite of getting the feel of “Physically Challenged:( (As was Unable to Run/Swim/Sleep in all directions with ease ,losing appetite ,getting extra fatigue & gaining kilos of weight;)) .The hope of how my baby would look like ?Would it be a girl or a boy?(I personally Loved girls & had dreamt of a girl). Will he/she resemble me or be a perfect mix of both parents? Will he/she have a perfect birth weight & be chubby chubby? Amidst so many questions, my hubby always prompted me that what we want is a perfect healthy baby.No matter what the gender is ,no matter whom it resembles to..& today I find that yes, he was so correct.  It is just the health which matters, as you love your kid a lot & that too unconditionally, to whatever it may me!

Last 2 months were perfect ,with me & my hubby most of the time trying to talk to the baby ,to tell that we love you so much ,to tell come soon baby,we are desperate to see you & hug you, to acknowledge that despite reservation, if any ,we will be the best parents of the world to fulfill all your desires ,singing songs for the baby (thinking atleast he/she would respond later to the songs we sang) ,Well it was a such an exquisite phase! So kiddish ,so loving & so innocent of us!!

So ,the time was approaching ,regular checkups ,medications ,extra nutritious diets hovered me ,& me finally deciding to be with my family in my last month calling it a “Maternity break” from my professional life. Till then it was all fine & we as a family planning to get baby delivered naturally ,me succumbing to the family advice of taking one time pain for a safe & tension free future)but diagnosis (Color Doppler study) had something else to say.

Well my darling ,a super active baby, in the womb(I used to be designated by my colleagues as “This super active mom will have super active baby;)) ,even despite enduring all the free kicks which he/she treated as an arena for the practice session ,had the umbilical cord wrapped thrice around his neck..This came as a shock to our family with the chances of going for the natural labor difficult & I was put on Bed-rest(So this called for not even much of walkL ,as it would have moved the fetus down & initiated labor), twice a week checkups & big discussion sessions with doc ,with family, became part for the next 15 days ,wherein we were told to have a C-sec 10 days before the actual date (if till then the cord does not gets unwrapped) .So ,long prayers for the unwrapping of cord ,for the safety of baby & me initiated its rounds ,but as informed by the doc that chances of unwrapping are very rare ,it happened in my case too… Baby was pretty comfortable with 3 cords & so we decided the day for C –Sec.

 Knowing the day u’ll become a mother for the first time brings shivers all the way.. so many questions ,so may curiosities started reigning me all the time . So many preparations & the curiosity of the operation actually panicked me. One of my preggi –gang friend also went C-Sec to have a lil baby girl & I ensured that I got all tips from her, but most of the time I could just hear one word —Pain,pain & pain.

So terrified I was that I lost my smile ,became so conscious that I started practicing meditation  to calm down, had all sleepless nights with discomfited dreams  for the next 5 days ,but simultaneously had immense family support besides comforting me !

Keep reading the next post ..Coming soon:)

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