My Journey from “Or to And”
“There cannot be true democracy unless women’s voices are heard. There cannot be true democracy unless women are given the opportunity to take responsibility for their own lives” – Hillary Rodham Clinton
Is women born to make sacrifices, to forgo her plans of life initially for the happiness of her parents, then for Husband & In laws & then for her Kids?
But the question comes as to Why only Women?? It has more to do with the Indian culture, the society we live in & the values in which we have been brought up ,the society which still assumes woman handling the sole responsibility of taking care of home & her family ,of nurturing the child ,but it has never ever thought of the working woman looking after home & nurturing the child .
Men ,if you ever wanna know what a woman’s mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2857 tabs open all the time ! She is multi-tasking!
Why are we assumed to perform only one task at a time ,Is it just an extension to the older times when women were confined to homes & men were treated as bread earners ?Why even when researches dominate that women are Multi tasker’s, as a result of their better planning & strategies ,our families still constrain us to go for the option of “OR” & most of the times that OR ,as per the family is opined towards betterment of family ,but to ask us ,it actually dwindles away the hopes & ambition of a women .A woman can easily manage a Lion’s share of household & childcare chores ,along with the sense of full or part time work ,which is because we tend to equate priorities ,organize our responsibilities& don’t just jump into. Studies say that “women might possess higher level of cognitive control than men wrt planning, monitoring and inhibiting behaviour”.
Well I believe ,that most of the Indian women might have faced these challenges in their lives & post resentment ,One would have fallen prey to family wishes discarding self inner feelings to pose as an idealistic Daughter or Wife or Mother. Bust ,just ask yourself ,are you so weak that to explore & nurture your ideas ,your ambition ,you need to fall prey to those emotional stings? We, The women have the qualities to dissuade, to convince our families & we are the best force to prove that we alone can handle & justify numerous tasks with 100% efficiency & competency.
Well ,like all I have also faced few instances wherein I was de-motivated (on the name of justice to role)& forced to opt for single role in the family ,but I was not the one to let my ambition pass away that soon ..I went ,I ran & caught them ,savoured the fruits of my ambition & corroborated my success not by judging the best responsibility done ,but by exemplifying myself as an “Epitome of Modern day Women ,a confident women ,who can manage her numerous roles hand in hand & that too with utmost ecstasy & excellence”.
So it all began ,(post 3 years of marriage)with elderly pressure flowing in on high, to expand the family ,but as these days ,wherein both the partners are working ,ambitious about their career & growth in life ,this tricky situation calls for a genuine delay & takes a toll on one ,especially on the feminine part of the wheel…But yes ,few questions kept pondering me then ,How long will I delay it? One day I’ll have to enter Motherhood & sensing a strong signal of taking a sabbatical from work to be a care taker. Would any of my family be there to support my desire of working post baby? Am I ready to take the responsibility of entering into the phase of motherhood? Can I nurture the child with full justice? My ambition towards my career will anytime be an impediment to this decision, whether it’s taken today or later on.
All these questions hovered around my mind, & after a huge bewilderment ,I was firm…My decision was yes ,I’ll enter into the phase ,let me take the life as it comes ,I’m not that weak to surrender my passion ,my charm. There needs to be 200% justice to both the objectives of Motherhood as well as of the Profession, the profession which gives you everything, from leading a desired lifestyle to the social significance & Motherhood ,which gives you the immense pleasure of life.
As was expected ,with the happiness ushering out of the little innocent tender baby ,it was at the back of the minds of my family ,to define & restrict me to only one role ,that of motherhood. & one day over the discussion ,this decision was enforced on me to quit my Profession & be a good Homemaker & caretaker of my kid ,none bothering to question my aspirations ,none hoping to find some mid solution to my ambition ,instead I was filled with so much of scepticism ,that if I opted for Job this time ,It would have filled me with deep guilt & would have proved that I could not be a good mother & been fair with my little kid. In their thoughts, The duty of a mother is only to care & up-bring her child.
Days & weeks passed by ,with the same thought pondering me ,but as my leaves came to an end ,I wanted to face this world booming with self confidence & make a new start by handling my profession as well as enjoying motherhood..
Our female leaders have all emerged out of these situations & this is the moment wherein a women needs to be balanced emotionally as well as intellectually! If Arundhati Bhattacharya ,Chanda Kochar , Kristin Armstrong could have done it few years back ,why can’t I? They have been my role models & I have to earn my name for the uphill tasks I’ve dealt in.
Few battles are worth fighting ,so, pretty decisive of not calling it a quit & enter into sabbatical, I went for a discussion with my management to impart some flexibility & I was so very thrilled on the first few words of my Manager ,A senior Vice president of the organization “ We feel women can handle multi-dimensional things & all at the same moment ,we believe that you are capable of doing justice to both the arduous professions & we ensure to be completely flexible & lend out support to fulfil both the chores” ! What else God! These words radiated a new Joy ,new shine & acted as morale booster to be proud of my decision to join back some 15 days later.
Well ,there was no looking back ,I drove swiftly back to my home to share my happiness with my husband & to my belief ,my husband stood out with me ,embracing my thoughts ..What a respite that was! Suddenly winds seemed to be blowing from other end ,calming me down ,inducing productive thoughts ,ushering a new ray of cheerfulness around me. Quickly entered into the mode of employing a fulltime helper (known to me for past 2 years),training her to feed my baby ,sing lullabies , to make him sleep, play with him, during few 3-4 hours when I would be at my office .Observing her for a week gave a thumbs up ,as my darling gelled with the good caretaker. Belief was the biggest factor ,in the absence of any family member ,keeping the kid alone with the helper even for an hour was tedious ,but yes our mutual faith made it happen!