Its Taboo…No ..No ..What are you talking about?? !!!!

That is the one unforgivable sin in any society. Be different and be damned!”
― Margaret MitchellGone with the Wind1

There is a long list of topic’s which are considered a big taboo in India , which you can’t even think of, forget discussing and debating on in general public .

One such topic, which must be highlighted, is getting intimate before Marriage.

With the way our society is today it doesn’t seem like it’s frowned upon too much. With magazines, movies, commercials etc. reflecting that physical intimation is a basic need & part of human nature and one can’t stop it from happening. People frown upon getting involved before marriage because of the feeling of going against everything that we were taught, going against religion, and what not, but I believe that getting intimated is one’s decision & cannot be forced upon .The basic necessity before getting intimated is basic understanding of the relation amongst partners, future of their relation, basic preventions which needs to be adopted & above all acceptability of being in a relation.

With the modest mindset & agreeing to the terms of modern world, one should still keep in mind that physical relationship is not an instrument of enjoying lustful pleasure for human beings, at least. In premarital sex, many a times, immature human beings explore the sexuality, jut out of curiosity, and might be are unaware of the consequences. Hence, one needs to understand the complexity before getting indulged in it.

If we really try to explore this topic in our history, we are a country of the Kamasutra and Khajuraho. Gandharva Vivah originated as a result of lust, & resulted in marriages most of the time, it’s just a modified modern day youth, who engage themselves in this act but the result might not always be marriage.

In older times in Indian cinema , the presentation ends up in marriage with the holy innocent good guy following the norms of society & any such instance of intimacy was presented as a mistake of youth and was not acceptable to society . This representation has become a benchmark for Indian society which considers it a strict NO -NO and totally against so called Indian Culture, a Culture which asks  girls to change their surname after marriage,to keep a veil from all male’s in the family and many more.

Due to the same reason there is lack of Sex education provided to the students in all of rural and most of Urban schools and let pupils misguided by vague facts and info available on internet and provided by friends, which as per me is a major cause of concern.

Pre-marital sex and casual relationships have been de-stigmatized in the youths’ minds, even after getting indulged, they are afraid of being found out. The guilt is not about the act itself, but the fear of being discovered.

With average age of marriage moving on higher side as people try to focus on their career, concept of live-in relationship is also picking up. Youth want to test the waters not just by a simple 30 min discussion over coffee. Earlier, marriage was about finding the best mate in terms of financial security and social strata. Those rules are not applicable any more. Both men and women want to experiment and test compatibility in every sense — emotional, physical and sexual. Embarking on a relationship does not mean youngsters have marriage on their mind.

According to the HT-MaRS Youth Survey, an unprecedented 61% believe that premarital sex is no longer a big issue in India & 46% feel that live in relationships are acceptable. While youth are regularly opting live in relations ,as a measure of compatibility checks ,how can we don Pre –Marital sex?

Rather than making it as a taboo, It’s high time , we take this topic and open up to let Youth decide as per their wish and senior’s play  the role of educator not the enforcer . It would increase acceptability of youth discussing this topic,be aware of the pros & cons with parents and among themselves and play the “ Friends with benefits” tag in safe manner without the necessity of tying knot .

Era Changes , time Changes and with it the Rules of Society, so we must abide by them and accept them as valid guidelines rather than finding every reason to break them & go back to the old times & be stiff in admitting it.

So my view goes with let accept this happily, or wait till next Avatar to arrive from heaven to convey the Holy message of “ Dude , Move on “ J

This other side of this topic has been beautifully covered in the novel by Poonam Uppal “A Passionaate Gospel of True Love : A Mystical True Love Story .Check out more details at the below mentioned link:

Also ,read about a wonderful review of the novel @ the below mentioned TOI link: